FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize