I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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