They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
