Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
