Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
