WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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