My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
