it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
