Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
i now understand why vodka
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
