you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
