woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize