you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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