she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize