He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
