pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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