JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
