it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
