I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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