As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize