24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
