How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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