another moral hangover. fuck.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
