we made out on top of his cat.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
