i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
