There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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