how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize