I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
