Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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