sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize