just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Randomize