They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
