They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize