she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
