i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
