Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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