He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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