i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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