Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
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