Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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