you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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