You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
