i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
