I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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