fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Randomize
