dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
