I just pynch a tree in the face
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Farmville is her only friend.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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