My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
