If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
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