yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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