Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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