I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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