turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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