Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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