As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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