I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
