I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize