So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
this will be a night to untag.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
