I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
