It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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