i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
literally had 100 drinks last night.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
