Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
