Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There's always time for handjobs
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
