Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
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