dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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