Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
