I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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