Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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