if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
