Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
