Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
