Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize