He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
